How to Choose Your First Intimacy Product

Start with the question, not the catalogue

Before looking at a single listing, answer three questions in private. Is this for you alone, for you with a partner, or for both of you together? Would you rather start with something external, internal or wearable? And how much do you want the product to do: a single simple function, or several settings you can explore over time?

The answers narrow the whole subject to one or two chapters of this book. That is the point: a first product should be chosen from a short list, not from everything at once.

Choose the material before the shape

Material determines how a product can be cleaned, what lubricant it can be used with and how long it will last. For a first product, a nonporous material is the sensible default: silicone, borosilicate glass, stainless steel or ABS plastic. A listing that names its material is telling you something; one that says only “body-safe” or “skin-like” is not.

Porous materials such as thermoplastic elastomers are legitimate choices for some categories, particularly sleeves, but they require more diligent cleaning and drying. Understanding Product Materials covers the distinction in detail.

Smaller and simpler is a reasonable first choice

Products are easier to grow out of than to grow into. A modest size, a simple control and a forgiving material leave room to discover what you actually prefer. A large, powerful or complex product bought on the strength of a photograph is the most common first-purchase regret.

If a category involves internal use, read the insertable length and widest diameter and compare them to something familiar rather than guessing. If it involves anal use, a flared base is not optional.

• Modest dimensions, especially diameter
• One or two buttons rather than a menu of modes
• A named nonporous material
• A travel lock if it is rechargeable
• A stated waterproof or water-resistant rating

Power, noise and practicalities

Rechargeable products cost more upfront and less over time, and they are generally quieter and better sealed than battery-powered ones. Battery products are cheaper and need no cable, which suits an experiment. Neither is wrong.

Noise matters more in a shared home than listings admit. Look for products described as quiet, and understand that “quiet” usually means quiet against the body, not silent in a still room.

Before you buy

Check the material is named. Check the dimensions. Check the power type and whether a cable is included. Check the cleaning instructions, and check the current details on the product page rather than relying on anything written elsewhere, including here. Product listings change; this book does not track them in real time.

If you have pain, a medical condition, a pregnancy-related question or a known allergy, the sensible first step is a conversation with a qualified professional rather than a purchase.